Getting through a break up can be difficult but we’re certain that you will get over it and move on.
As far as we know, there are no set rules for how to get through a breakup. However, you can lessen the blow by taking some time to understand how you’re feeling and, after some self reflection, figure out how to move on. But, don’t stress, you don’t have to do it on your own, we’ve all been through it so, here are some steps to take to get you over this breakup.
What are the 5 stages of a breakup?
According to psychiatrist Elisabeth Kübler-Ross, there are 5 stages of grief that can also be applied to a breakup: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. These stages are not the same for everyone and are very general but they may help you understand a bit of what’s happening in your head and why.
In short, after a breakup, we are unable to fully understand that the relationship is over and look for glimmers of hope that this is not the reality and deny that it is really happening. After our denial stage, we tend to move onto anger, either anger with oneself, your ex partner, or other situations associated with the breakup. Then comes the bargaining phase, looking for any possible way to make the relationship work, not just bargaining with your ex partner but with the world (think tarot cards or astrology). This is followed by the depression stage, feeling tired, not wanting to do anything, and the lingering feeling of hopelessness that you’ll never move on. And then finally, after some time, comes acceptance. We make peace with our loss and are able to move on with life.
Unfortunately, it can be difficult to move on after a relationship ends and make it to that fifth stage. Many people stay in the depression stage and stop believing in finding love because they have to grapple with the pain of rejection. But believe us, there are other people out there. Different feelings like sadness, guilt, anger, and loneliness are a necessary part of any breakup. And, as we all know, time heals everything and with that and the proper support, you will get through it and come out even better than before.
Remember that the stages you go through after a breakup vary greatly but if you’re looking for a very generalized path, you’ll likely follow the stages outlined by Elizabeth Kübler-Ross.
How long does it take to get over a breakup?
All relationships are different, which is why it’s impossible to specify the duration of getting over a breakup. In some cases, one month may be sufficient and in others, years may not be adequate. It totally depends on the type of relationship, how close you were with each other, what caused the breakup, and at what point of life it happened. But what we can tell you is that you will get over it, these feelings won’t last forever, and you just have to be patient with yourself.
How do you get over a breakup if you still love them?
We don’t want to sugarcoat it, getting over a breakup is not easy, especially if you’re still in love with the person. First and foremost, never blame yourself because ups and downs are a part of every relationship. Moving on is a process but, we promise, you will get there and you can start by following the tips below:
1. Focus on Yourself
Take some time to figure out what things were missing in your life due to being in a relationship. Maybe you stopped participating in a hobby that you really enjoyed or didn’t see your friends as much. This is the time to indulge in the things that motivate, excite, and occupy your time.
And during this time, you shouldn’t push away your feelings but by keeping busy, you’re not letting these feelings consume you. Occupying your time by reconnecting with your hobbies is a great way to feel better.
2. Say Yes
Say yes to new opportunities that may be out of your comfort zone. If your friends invite you to events, go and try to enjoy it, you can always leave if you’re not having a good time.
Obviously, go with how you’re feeling but, if you can, make the effort to go out. Putting yourself out of your comfort zone will lead to new opportunities, experiences, and people.
3. Analyze the Relationship (The Good and the Bad)
Sometimes it’s easier to remember the good times if you’re sad about a breakup. However, make sure to think about the bad times as well to paint a more realistic picture of the relationship. Remember the qualities of your partner that used to bother you. Honestly, it might even help to list down their annoying qualities and the compromises you had to make for your relationship.
No relationship is perfect and for the sake of getting over the breakup, it might help to focus on the difficult parts so that you can move on faster. We are not saying that the relationship was bad but understanding why it actually wasn’t for you will help.
4. Remain Silent
Most of us know how it feels after a breakup. Due to feelings of loneliness and weakness, many people think to reconnect with their ex. And due to familiarity and convenience, it looks appealing to revert back. However, though it may be hard, do not reach out. It won’t help you get over the situation, it might even bring you back some steps in the process of getting over the relationship.
Try to redirect your energy to other people, other things, anything but your ex. If they want you back or think that there is something still there, they can reach out. And we know you’re probably looking back over your messages and listening to old voicemails, our advice is to delete them. Unfortunately, those messages are not helping you and are likely making the situation worse.
5. Rebuild/Create New Relationships
The worst problem you may face after a breakup is loneliness. This is why you need to start hanging out with more people, your friends, your family, go on dates, etc. Try going on dating apps or through some of your daily activities, find new people to occupy your time. It may not seem great at first but you never know who you’ll end up meeting, it could be your next partner.
How do I stop hurting after a breakup?
The best way to stop hurting after a breakup is to change your mindset about the breakup. Unfortunately, you will hurt for a bit after, even if you know it wasn’t right for you. But, if you think about it, breakups can be a great thing and can indicate that it’s time for a change.
I’m sure you’re sad and it is sad, most endings are but think of this ending as an opportunity for a new beginning. This person breaking up with you is for the best. They likely aren’t the person for you or it’s just not the right time for your relationship. And that means that there are more opportunities out there and you’ll probably find someone or something even better suited for your life.
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